i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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