At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
