Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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