I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
