I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
