its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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