i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
