Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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