I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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