Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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