k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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