babies were throwing up all over the place
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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