I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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