On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
