She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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