Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
