forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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