Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
operation harelip BJ is a go
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
