where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize