I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
