i think my tv is drunk
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
