I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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