it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
