Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
