When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
