Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
