Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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