I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
i think i just lost a toe
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
His nipple licking is glorious
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