I heard we made out
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
