i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm getting married
To pizza
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
PANTIES FOUND
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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