shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
