god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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