only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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