i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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