Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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