went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
she smelled like a LAN party
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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