Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize