She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
