i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
