so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
