Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
