Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
So vagazzling was a success
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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