I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
