I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
