dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Rumble strips road head = magical
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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