i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
