I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
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