there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
