his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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