I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
