Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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