Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
