I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize