2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Life without a bra equals bliss.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
