that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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