laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
