your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
