Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
