I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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