you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
