So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
