After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
