You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
