Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
