My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
