We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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