I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm getting married
To pizza
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
