you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
