pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
