dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
