you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I need a burrito and a hug.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
