Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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