I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
