i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
