Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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