I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
