if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize