So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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