im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
