The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
