I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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