laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize