My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
