Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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