I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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