Swine flu. Run for my life!
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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