Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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