I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
This girl is more easily done than said...
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
