i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
