YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
